


boyfriend

by tkreyesevandiaz



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Because I don't know what it is, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Fluff, Getting Together, Healthy Communication, Hidden Talents, I don't know how to tag this, I wrote this purely for me, M/M, Making Out, Mild Language, Mutual Pining, Overthinking, POV Alternating, Self-Indulgent, Singing, Song: Boyfriend (Big Time Rush), Songfic, They actually talk about it!, We love it!, but y'all can read it if you want
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:00:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24955726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tkreyesevandiaz/pseuds/tkreyesevandiaz
Summary: When three men from Buck's past show up out of nowhere, he gets the chance to showcase one of his hidden talents...and maybe do something about the pining between him and his best friend.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Original Male Character(s), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 51
Kudos: 387





	boyfriend

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be 3000 words. 
> 
> I binged Big Time Rush this week, and the vision of _[Boyfriend](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0AwA5A1wE0o)_ and whatever's down here wouldn't leave me, so...here it is. 
> 
> A big thank you to Eli, Kat, Francesca and Warda who listened to me gripe about this fic all week (and all the time, really). Also, this is _purely_ self-indulgent, so...whoops
> 
> The rating is for language and the title is from the song this fic is based on. Also, I will literally cry if this fic doesn't get traction :(
> 
> All original characters belong to me!

“Are you sure this is the right place?” 

Chimney looked skeptically between the wooden door and the address on his phone, passing it over to Buck.

“Your sister sent it, pretty sure it is.”

The bar was quaint, far savvier than they ever went for after long shifts. Farther, too. 

They usually went to their familiar joint on the next block, close enough to the station that they didn’t have to wait too long to get a drink. Plus, the bartenders knew them by name now.

That familiarity got them _very_ far.

The difference was that they were actually trying to treat themselves today, so that’s how all five of them found themselves in downtown LA, standing in front of a bar they’d never heard of on a rather-upscale part of the city. 

Which was pretty suspicious, if you asked Buck and Chim.

“Guys, let’s just go in,” Eddie gestured to the door, exchanging a dry look with Bobby and Hen. Buck shrugged and followed his best friend in.

Maddie and Athena waved them over immediately, seated in a huge booth big enough for all eight of them. Buck let Chim and Eddie slide in before taking the end seat, Bobby slipping in next to Athena and Hen next to him, leaving a space for Karen.

It didn’t really escape Buck’s notice that this felt suspiciously like a group date night, with three couples and him and Eddie...well, they were _something_. 

Taking advantage of his friends pouring over the menu, he looked around the place to distract himself from _that_ line of thought. 

Friday night meant that the place was packed from wall to wall but Buck could tell that it was actually a pretty big space for how small it looked from the outside. The entire theme was rustic and modern at the same time, and the bulbs hanging from the ceiling reminded him of the fixtures in his own apartment.

The half of the establishment in front of their booth was decorated with a decently-sized stage for what Buck was assuming were live performances. The dance floor that opened out in front of it was already full of people moving, the dim lights and bass of the music vibrating through the walls.

The other half they were sitting in was lined with wooden booths that had three pendant fixtures hanging from the ceiling, just enough to cast a glow over each individual table. The bar lined the entire side wall in front of the door, bartenders working in overdrive to get people their drinks.

Buck thought to himself that if he’d gotten to tend bar in a place like this, he’d probably be making a _lot_ of tips.

“How’d you find this place anyway?” he asked Maddie as the waiter came over with their drinks. Eddie had probably already ordered for him while he was observing the rest of the bar, and _damn_ if that knowledge didn’t settle something in him, leaving him dizzy with the pathetic pining that had plagued him for the last year. 

His suspicions were confirmed when Eddie smirked at him, cocking a smug eyebrow at having ordered his favourite beer correctly. Buck simply rolled his eyes, wrapping a hand around the chilled glass.

“Terry,” Maddie explained, listing off a coworker. “He and his partner come here all the time. They have live performances and everything, so I thought we could try it out for a change of pace.”

Buck looked back at the dance floor. He could imagine how amazing it’d look with a live performance, turning into almost a concert-esque experience. 

“It’s not bad,” Hen agreed. “Is there someone playing tonight?”

“According to the board outside, yeah.” Athena wrapped her fingers around her wine glass as she leaned into Bobby’s side. “The girl that led us to the booth said they were really good, so that’s something to look forward to.”

The conversation flew by as easy as anything after that, all of them catching each other up on whatever had happened since they’d last gotten together. 

“I know that’s not Evan Buckley in a bar in LA.”

Buck nearly spewed his beer all over the table at the somehow-familiar voice. For a minute, he seized up with a blind panic, thinking that this was someone from his Buck 1.0 phase, or someone else who’d been posing as him. The rest of the table quieted instantly, their gazes finding someone behind Buck, looking skeptically between them.

That was before he registered that the person didn’t sound angry, so it probably wasn’t someone getting ready to demean him in front of the most important people in his life _or_ dump a drink over his head.

Turning around found him face-to-face with not one, but _three_ familiar faces, all grinning at him cheekily. One narrowed look later and Buck was hopping out of his seat, Ryder reaching out to hug him tight, thumping an arm on his back as Raven and Nathan jumped in, laughing loudly with the reunion.

He’d met the three of them during one of his stops on his great journey to find himself. They’d rented a place together in Detroit, the three of them set on making music while Buck was just trying to find what he wanted to do for the rest of his life.

“Didn’t think I’d run into you all here, what are you doing in LA?” Buck laughed, clamping a hand on Nathan’s shoulder.

Raven gestured to the stage and the equipment in his hands. “It’s our gig tonight.”

His eyes widened at the coincidence. “No way!”

“Yep. We’re in LA to record a few demos, and our publicist wants us to get out and do a few live shows. So...here we are. What about you?” 

“I live here, I’m a firefighter.” He turned to his team to find all of them gaping at them. “This is my team. That’s Hen and her wife Karen. Bobby’s the captain, and Athena’s a sergeant. There’s my sister Maddie.”

“The infamous Maddie!” Raven chimed in. Maddie spluttered around her wine glass, shooting Buck a death glare. He ignored her and pointed to the remaining two men.

“And her fiancé and my friend Chim, and this is Eddie.” Buck shifted so he wasn’t blocking the view, then pointed to each of the band members. “These three are Nathan, Ryder and Raven. We used to share an apartment in Detroit, they’re a band.”

“When did you live in Detroit?” Karen asked, bewilderment clear on her face.

“2011, for about...four, five months or so? When I was twenty, the summer before South America,” Buck clarified.

“Rented an apartment above the sweetest old lady ever, who was always looking out for the four of us,” Nathan added. “She still asks about ‘the blond one.’”

He laughed at the reminder of Mrs. Miller and her tough-love husband, both of which had helped the four of them immensely with essentials like food and just loving company. It was their garage they used to practice in, the space perfect for their voices to reverberate. 

“Hey, why don’t you sing a warm-up track with us?” Raven suggested, touching two fingers to his shoulder expectantly. Nathan and Ryder nodded immediately, both chiming in with an affirmative.

A pit of dread curled into Buck’s stomach as his entire team sat up straighter, blinking owlishly at the band. Their expressions were beyond eager, no one having the decency to hide their curiosity. 

The singing was something he kept on the extremely down low, and the fact that he’d been part of a band at one point was something he _never_ mentioned.

Ever.

“Nah, I can’t-”

“I double-dare you!” Maddie interjected wildly, her statement immediately met with frantic nods. Chim already had his phone out and Eddie was looking up at him expectantly, a strange look in his eye. Bobby simply raised an eyebrow and Hen, Karen and Athena stared at him with all the challenge in the world.

“We’re not _five_ , Mads.”

Maddie had been married and virtually absent from his life save for a few calls by the time he’d made himself a temporary home in Detroit, so she had no clue about any of it. The singing wasn’t something he used to do often until one of the boys found out about it.

“Whatever. I _dared_ you.” 

He went to argue over the table that was now practically shouting at him to get his ass onstage. Even Eddie wasn’t willing to give him an inch. Ryder whistled once, making a “calm down” motion. The commotion had definitely attracted a few curious eyes.

“Come on, man. It’ll be fun. Let’s go,” Nathan beckoned, clamping a hand on Buck’s wrist and dragging him away, amidst more protesting splutters. He was sure they looked comical for all of Ryder and Raven’s laughter behind him. It shouldn’t have even been possible for how lithe the other man was, but Buck wasn’t about to risk injuring him on their first gig just to pull himself free. 

“Guys, guys, I haven’t sang in literal _years_. When I was singing with you, I was trying to find a passion. And I found it with the LAFD.”

“Yeah, but you were so fucking _good_ ,” Ryder pointed out, thrusting a cordless microphone into his hand. “Honestly, this trio was really good as a quartet, and if you ever wanted to come back, we’d let you back in the band in a heartbeat.”

Buck was honored by the thought, but singing absolutely wasn’t his thing anymore. It was a great hobby, but that’s where it ended.

“We watch some of the old stuff we recorded on those shitty CDs and cameras to inspire us. Those few song covers we harmonized together were amazing. And we used to _work_ the crowd man, we can throw that down here too.” Raven was almost pleading, leaving a flush on Buck’s skin from the rapt attention.

“Your publicist is going to have a huge problem with this. You’re promoting _you_ , not a member of the LAFD who happens to sing sometimes.”

“Andrew’s heard a lot about you, trust us. And who says we’re not promoting ourselves? _And_ no one’s about to mention the LAFD.”

Buck felt slightly guilty at the fact that he hadn’t really told the most important people in his life about Ryder, Raven and Nathan. They were just parts of his life that he really never talked about, struggles he didn’t feel like disclosing. He’d broke out to Detroit because it was the last place anyone would ever look for him.

Still, he couldn’t help the tug of excitement towards the stage, wanting to get up there one last time with the boys that had given him a new sense of confidence for himself. They’d been the ones to inspire him to take the best of life, and never apologize for not wanting to settle.

Nathan studied him quietly, probably already sensing how close he was to agreeing. “Come on, Buck. Just one song. For old times’ sake.”

Buck looked towards his booth where his friends were still watching them wide-eyed. 

Well, it couldn’t hurt to surprise them.

“Just one,” he stressed, holding up one finger to punctuate his point. Thankfully, he’d come dressed okay to go onstage - his best pair of black jeans, a white V-neck and a black denim jacket to top it all off. If anything, he looked part of the band anyway. “What song?”

“I was thinking...the first cover we ever threw down. _Boyfriend_.” 

Big Time Rush had been a huge thing back then, so they’d ended up singing that cover in multiple establishments across town, trying to earn enough money to pay their rent. There had been a _lot_ of teenage parties, ones that paid well for a live band, even if they weren’t really known.

Buck stilled, trying his hardest not to look back at their booth. He couldn’t sing that song with Eddie in the bar and _not_ make it about him.

Before he could say anything, Ryder rushed off to where the sound system was and Nathan zipped over to the bar, saying something about alcohol.

“So...Eddie, huh?” Raven prompted suggestively, studying the man critically from over his shoulder. Briefly, Buck wondered what he saw as he made a questioning face. Raven shrugged and gestured vaguely between the two of them. “We saw that look you two exchanged.”

“We’re not dating.” Buck didn’t know how _every single person except Eddie Diaz_ managed to find out about his feelings for him in less than ten seconds. He also didn’t know what look they were talking about, but there was no point refuting the guy. “He’s my best friend.”

“Yeah, and Lily’s mine.” Raven pointed towards the bar, where a petite woman was sitting nursing a margarita. She waved at them, smiling sweetly. “My wife.”

“You got married?!” He snatched his hand, looking wide-eyed at the wedding band on his finger. He was genuinely curious, but also relieved at the chance to change the subject.

“Yup, going on our third anniversary next month. Ryder’s married too, his wife’s sitting around here somewhere. Nathan got engaged a few months back.”

“Damn!” Buck let out a wolf-whistle, grinning at his friend. “Locked them down fast, didn’t you?”

Being married for three years would put Raven at 23 when he got hitched. For a second, a strange shame burned through him, because back then, he’d wanted that too. He'd wanted someone to come home to, someone that was just _his._

He just hadn’t been ready to let anyone in.

Raven laughed and nodded, looking towards his wife with an expression that could only be described as _adoring_.

“We didn’t want to go into the whole music industry thing without being married, even if it risks our popularity. You know how it goes,” Nathan added to the conversation, coming back with four tequila shots. 

Ryder joined them as they threw the burning liquid back. Buck took the shot as liquid courage, even though there was no way it was anywhere near his system yet. Still, the illusion of intoxication was nice.

“Ready?” The question was directed at all three of them, but mostly at Buck. He sucked in a breath, glanced one more time at his table, and nodded at Raven.

“As I’ll ever be.”

With that, the band climbed onto the stage. The bass that had been reverberating through the bar eased off, letting Ryder speak into the mic. 

“Hey y’all! We’re Scarlet, we’re from Detroit and we’re out in LA to make some music!” Buck laughed to himself at the band name as cheers rang up; he’d been the one to suggest it, after the very first place they’d sang in for $40 a piece. It seemed like it’d stuck.

Ryder worked the crowd with his usual allure, throwing out introductions and easy charm before gesturing Buck onto stage. “We’ve got a special guest to sing our warm-up act with us. Everyone give it up for Buck!” 

He was so fucking grateful that Ryder hadn’t used his full name; if anyone decided to look him up, they’d see the rollercoaster incident, the ladder truck incident. Probably other things he didn’t want people recognizing him for - including the tsunami. 

As he climbed onstage, waving at the loud crowd, he could hear the magnanimous hooting from the booth in the back, Chim’s camera already rolling. Hen, Karen and Athena shot him a thumbs-up while Maddie raised her wine glass to him. Eddie still looked wide-eyed but he tipped his bottle forward anyway.

Surprisingly enough, being on a stage again smoothed most of the tension from his stance. The familiar weight of performing settled on him as the anticipation filled the space. His skin thrummed with the energy in the bar, sending him straight back to his early twenties and the excitement was contagious, leaving Buck swaying to an invisible beat as he held the microphone.

Still, there was the tug of nervousness at his core, stronger for not having been onstage in the past ten years.

“We’re going a little while back, almost nine years. This was the first cover we ever recorded together, and the four of us sang it so many times in pretty much every establishment back home to pay our rent. So...we’re bringing that back for y’all tonight!” 

“You’re taking lead for this song, sing it to Eddie.” Ryder pulled the microphone away from his mouth to whisper between them, pulling a laugh out of all four of them. The challenge was clear in his voice, and Buck wasn’t about to back down. 

He thought back to his earlier thought about them being _something_. If things went his way, they could tumble straight over the invisible line both of them had been skirting for the better part of a year. If not, he could always play it off as just being the song, no matter how crushed he’d be.

Realizing that he was too public to even remotely think about the fate of his and Eddie’s relationship, he shook the strange feeling off and nodded at the rest of the band.

Nathan gave them the count. As the opening riff blasted the speakers, all four of them lifted their microphones and began to sing. 

_Boy boy boy b-b-boy b-b-boyfriend  
_ _Your boy boy b-b-boy b-b-boyfriend  
_ _Your boy boy b-b-boy b-b-boyfriend  
_ _Your boy boy b-b-boy b-b-boy_

The cheering around the dance floor was so fucking gratifying. The four of them fell into their well-rehearsed routine from all those years ago, moving around the stage with all the purpose of real concerts. There was still that swirl of nervousness, but hopefully it didn’t show in his voice.

Ryder, Raven and Nathan stepped back to let him take lead as the first verse started. He kept his eye on the table in the back, to see a bunch of jaws dropping and surprised looks as his voice filtered through the speakers. To him, he sounded rusty, but from the excitement of the crowd, they clearly didn't mind.

 _Have you ever had the feeling you're drawn to someone, yeah  
_ _And isn't there anything they could’ve said or done?_

He saw Eddie suck in a visible breath as the words washed over him. Buck closed his eyes for a second before throwing out the most-confident smile he could muster, letting the energy carry him with more assertion than he felt.

 _And everyday I see you on your own  
_ _And I can't believe that you're alone  
_ _But I overheard your girls and this is what they said_

He pointed straight back to where Maddie, Athena, Hen and Karen were dancing in their seats, grinning widely as they shouted their encouragement back - all of whom had dropped _multiple_ hints towards him and his best friend. 

Said best friend who was staring at him, shocked to high hell. Buck prayed he hadn’t fucked things up beyond repair, because now, there wasn’t any doubt who he was singing for.

* * *

Eddie had pretty much died and gone to heaven. 

That was the only explanation for Buck in front of him, singing smoothly and in sync with a band he hadn’t seen in close to ten years. 

_Looking for a  
_ _Looking for a_

 _That you're looking for a boyfriend  
_ _I see that  
_ _Give me time, you know I'm gonna be there  
_ _Don't be scared to come, put your trust in me  
_ _Can't you see all I really want to be  
_ _Is your boyfriend_

His nape, ears and face felt like they were on fire with the smug grins from the rest of the team, all of which had lost themselves in the beat of the song. Even Bobby was swaying in his seat. 

The crowd was clapping and dancing right along as the band performed, hands thrown up as they moved together. But Buck was looking straight at him as he sang, and that was all he could focus on, because the words felt like a plea to him. 

_Can't fight that  
_ _Let me down, you know I'm coming right back  
_ _I don't care at all what you done before  
_ _All I really want is to be your_

 _Be your boy boy b-b-boy b-b-boyfriend  
_ _Your boy boy b-b-boy b-b-boyfriend  
_ _Your boy boy b-b-boy b-b-boyfriend  
_ _Your boy boy b-b-boy b-b-boyfriend_

The men moved with all the ease of a perfectly coordinated group, and they were _amazing_ singers. It was hard to tell that they hadn’t seen each other in years.

The sight of Buck moving his shoulders and hips as he sang, confident as always, had Eddie’s skin vibrating with his need to _do_ something and suddenly, he was gripping his beer bottle tightly as his best friend leveled a heated gaze in his direction.

He tried to focus on the song as three of them slid back smoothly to put Ryder in the front. The man pointed towards the bar as he sang the next verse, just as Buck had done to them, to where his significant other was probably sitting.

 _Let me take a little moment to find the right words  
_ _(To find the right words)  
_ _So when I kick it to you, it ain't something that you've heard  
_ _(Something that you've heard)_

 _I don't know what kinda guy that you prefer  
_ _But I know I gotta put myself forward  
_ _See I think I got the kind of love that you deserve  
_ _And I heard that_

Buck stepped in to sing the pre-chorus, slapping palms with Ryder as the two men planted their feet shoulder-width apart, hyping the crowd with winks and flashes of heart-stopping grins as they moved to the beat, legs tapping and shoulders moving.

“He was made for that stage,” Maddie looked on, completely awed at the sight of her brother charming the pants off every single person in the bar. Especially the two girls who couldn’t stop reaching for him from the dance floor, only to be pushed back by what looked like a bouncer.

Eddie felt like he was going to melt in his seat, because Buck like this was hands-down the _hottest_ thing he’d ever fucking witnessed. Long fingers wrapped around the mic, confidence painted in the lines of his body, a cocky smirk on his face and pure sin laden in his voice as he performed.

The denim jacket stretched tight across his broad shoulders, folded up to his elbows to show off his forearms flexing with every movement. Paired with those jeans that hugged his hips and thighs, Buck was _easily_ the most attractive man in the bar. 

It hit Eddie how fucking lucky he was that this man wanted _him_. 

_That you're looking for a boyfriend  
_ _I see that  
_ _Give me time, you know I'm gonna be there  
_ _Don't be scared to come, put your trust in me  
_ _Can't you see all I really want to be  
_ _Is your boyfriend_

 _Can't fight that  
_ _Let me down, you know I'm coming right back  
_ _I don't care at all what you done before  
_ _All I really want is to be your_

Buck looked straight at him, eyebrows arched in a silent challenge while he sang the chorus. Eddie’s heart pounded with the knowledge that he’d literally thrown the ball into his court with one well-chosen song.

 _Be your boy boy b-b-boy b-b-boyfriend  
_ _Your boy boy b-b-boy b-b-boyfriend  
_ _Your boy boy b-b-boy b-b-boyfriend  
_ _Your boy boy b-b-boy b-b-boyfriend_

 _If you tell me where, I'm waiting here  
_ _Everyday like slum-dog millionaire  
_ _Bigger than the twilight love affair  
_ _I'll be here  
_ _Girl, I swear_

Raven began singing the bridge, and Eddie turned to the rest of their team, only to find them staring at him already.

“Well?” Bobby piped up, gesturing to the stage. “What are you waiting for?”

There was probably some shame in his captain witnessing the two of them being such a hot mess. Eddie couldn’t bring himself to even blush as Raven’s crooning filled the bar.

“He couldn’t make it more obvious if he plastered ‘Eddie Diaz, be my boyfriend’ on a highway billboard with his face on it,” Maddie said, pointing at her brother. He looked back at Buck still working the crowd, gaze periodically trailing back to where they were sitting.

 _Looking for a  
_ _Looking for a  
_

“If I tell him anything, it’s sure as hell not going to be where everyone can see us,” was the only thing Eddie managed to say, not really wanting to take his attention off Buck practically making love to the microphone with that sexy voice of his. “That includes you guys.”

“May’s going to get a kick out of this,” Athena muttered, laughing with Hen. “The original song and band were so popular when she was growing up. I’ve heard this same song too many times to count.”

 _That you're looking for a boyfriend  
_ _I see that  
_ _Give me time, you know I'm gonna be there  
_ _Don't be scared to come, put your trust in me  
_ _Can't you see all I really want to be  
_ _Is your boyfriend_

 _Can't fight that  
_ _Let me down, you know I'm coming right back  
_ _I don't care at all what you done before  
_ _All I really want is to be your_

The bar only got louder as the boys started the last verse, lining up with their feet planted firmly, eyes shut and microphones raised. The harmony ebbed and flowed between all four of them, lyrics dipping into their voices to come forth as a layered piece. 

_Be your boy boy b-b-boy b-b-boyfriend  
_ _Your boy boy b-b-boy b-b-boyfriend  
_ _(Your boyfriend)_

 _Your boy boy b-b-boy b-b-boyfriend  
_ _Your boy boy b-b-boy b-b-boyfriend  
_ _(All I really want is to be your)  
_ _(Your boyfriend)_

 _Be your boy boy b-b-boy b-b-boyfriend  
_ _Your boy boy b-b-boy b-b-boyfriend  
_ _Your boy boy b-b-boy b-b-boyfriend  
_ _(Yeah)_

_(All I really want is to be your)_

_Be your boy boy b-b-boy b-b-boyfriend_  
_Your boy boy b-b-boy b-b-boyfriend  
Your boy boy b-b-boy b-b-boyfriend_

_All I really want is to be your..._

As the beat tapered off, the audience exploded into a flurry of maniacal hooting. Chim hopped up on the seat behind him to whistle at Buck, balancing himself with one hand on Eddie’s head. If the paramedic wasn’t in danger of toppling over and breaking his neck, he would’ve glared up at him.

The younger man looked back at them at the shrill sound, practically beaming as he ran his hand through his hair subconsciously. 

It struck Eddie that the exhilaration on his face now was the same exhilaration he saw on Buck after a call that’d gone their way. He was glowing with it as he exchanged a few hugs with his friends, jumping off the stage to walk back towards them. 

No less than five times was he stopped on his way over, Buck responding to all of them with the same practiced politeness he responded to people flirting with him on call. It made that irrational possessive streak in Eddie flare a little hotter, knowing that the lyrics had been meant only for him.

“You were amazing!” Maddie and Karen squealed as soon as he stepped into earshot. Buck laughed, a red flush crawling up his neck as he slid into the empty space next to Eddie. Sweat glistened on his brow from the exertion but he looked beyond pleased with himself.

“You’ve been holding out during karaoke, Buckaroo,” Chim chided, turning his phone to show the video. “And your _Eye of the Tiger_ rendition sounds _nowhere_ as nice as this did.”

“Thanks.” He made a face at his now-warm drink, glancing over to where Scarlet was setting up their instruments.

Eddie couldn’t fucking stop _watching_ him. He didn’t know what expression was on his face, but it probably wasn’t appropriate for being surrounded by six other people. 

When Buck turned to look at him, a hint of trepidation and insecurity in his gaze, but expectant, there wasn't really much to say with the whole table watching them like hawks. So he settled for surreptitiously placing a hand on Buck’s thigh, out of sight but reassuring enough. He wasn’t about to run, and thankfully, the younger man understood. 

Buck dropped his own free hand over it, faintly smiling around another drag of beer.

Blissfully enough, no one outright mentioned anything about Buck singing to Eddie, or Eddie almost losing his shit at the sight of Buck looking so sexy and powerful, so in his element behind the microphone.

“What’s the story behind that?” Bobby asked, always the rational one. Buck shrugged, fiddling with the label on his bottle.

“I was twenty, trying to figure out what I wanted to do and by fluke, ended up in Detroit.” Somehow, Eddie got the impression that he was trying to be vague on purpose. “Nathan, Ryder and Raven were a band, trying to get known. I met them because we ended up renting an apartment together.”

“So you joined them?”

Buck shook his head at Athena’s question. “Nah, one of them heard me singing in the shower or while I was cleaning or something. Said that they wanted one more vocalist temporarily, so I agreed after making it clear that I was...trying to find myself. I didn’t have the same ambition they did.” He gestured towards the stage, where the band had shifted the bar’s atmosphere from fast and high-paced to low and seductive.

They were _good_. Eddie watched, enraptured as Nathan and Ryder strummed their guitars, Raven on keyboard as the three of them sang. From the sounds of it, the song was a preview of one of the demos they’d come to shoot.

“We were pretty great friends, but we fell out of touch after I moved,” Buck added. “They’re awesome, I’m glad they’ve got their break.”

“Why do they know me?” Maddie demanded, putting on her 'I-want-an-explanation-now' face. The same one Eddie had seen far too many times on his own sisters’ faces.

“Kinda hard not to find out if you _live_ together.” He snorted, shaking his head at his sister. “Because that was when we used to Skype back and forth, and I’m almost a hundred percent sure at least one of the guys had a crush on you.”

Laughter vibrated through the table as Chim pulled Maddie a little closer. Buck waved him off, not even fazed. “Relax, they’re all taken now. Two married and one engaged.”

As Scarlet’s lead singer sang an impressive riff, more hoots of appreciation sounded across the dance floor, cheers nearly drowning his voice out.

Eddie was probably way too biased, but _Buck’s_ voice had done him in and had him nearly vibrating out of his skin. A ball of need settled in his gut, wanting to get his best friend alone so he could finally force words from his too-tight throat. 

For now, he settled on slightly tightening his grip on Buck’s thigh.

Unfortunately for him, they ended up staying nearly an hour more. He tried his best to contribute to the conversation, but his mind was too busy racing to pay attention to what anyone was saying. He knew Buck had picked up on it because somewhere within that time period, their fingers had ended up laced together.

“I’m gonna quickly go see them for a minute,” Buck excused himself from the table, noticing the band taking a water break. Eddie took his hand back, flexing it to work out the slight cramps as his best friend slid out.

“This is painful to watch,” Hen said, gesturing between him and where Buck was now standing. 

“What is?” Eddie asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Your pining.”

Karen shrugged in agreement with her wife. “Kinda hard to deny it _now_ , right?”

“I’m not talking about this with you all.” He laid his cards flat on the table, hiding behind his bottle. “I already told you that.”

“Whatever it is, take your chances and fix this pining. On both ends.” Maddie fixed him with a knowing look. Eddie’s face felt bright red at the scrutiny, but he gave a curt nod, dropping his gaze to a random scratch on the wooden table.

This was supposed to be a night for them to treat themselves, to loosen up from playing the roles of first responders and parents, of all the other ‘adult’ responsibilities that buried them otherwise. 

Instead, Eddie could feel the well-crafted barriers around his heart fall apart as if they were made of fraying fabric instead of steel. He was coming apart at the seams and the knowing looks from the rest of the team weren’t really helping. After a life of hiding away from the overwhelming strength of emotions, this sort of vulnerability made him want to run for the hills.

Bobby must’ve read something on his face, because he changed the topic, shifting the attention away from him. But Eddie still needed to take a minute, so he excused himself to the bathroom, feeling way too heavy for having three beers in his system.

He was in the middle of splashing his face with water when the door opened behind him and his best friend slipped in. Eddie watched through the mirror as Buck locked the door then turned to lean back against it.

They stood staring at each other through the mirror for what felt like eternity. It was easier this way, not having to face Buck head-on while his world tilted on its axis. On some primitive level, it was probably cowardly to hide behind his own reflection, but his best friend knew him too well.

Eddie realized, at the sight of Buck’s reflection, that his best friend had weaved his way past those barriers long before they came crashing down around him. Almost as if he’d pushed them from inside out. There was one last boundary left, for Eddie’s self-preservation.

“Was it too much?” Buck asked finally. Nothing in his expression belied the same pieces Eddie was shredding himself into, but there was still something in his eyes. 

“Nope. Just right,” Eddie managed from a tight throat, tearing his gaze away from him to look down at the faucet.

“Look at me, Eddie.” 

His voice was almost commanding, yet another thing that had no business rocking his world with the force of his desire for Buck. Still, he turned to face him, wanting so bad to just slam his best friend back against that door and ravage his mouth, common sense be damned. 

“You can be honest. If it’s...not something you want, we can forget about it.”

That was the _last_ thing Eddie wanted.

“Buck, this is not a conversation we need to be having in a public bathroom, locked door or not. I just...I don’t know. My mind got ahead of me, but seeing you on that stage was one of the best things ever. I _loved_ seeing you up there, and whatever question was hidden in the song, the answer is always going to be a yes.”

“Even then...we’re okay, right?”

The biggest struggle for him, over the course of these years, was realizing that both Buck and Eddie were insecure about people leaving, about not being enough. It may have been for different reasons but ultimately, the two of them gravitated to one another _because_ of the validation they could give each other.

Eddie gave him a smile, finally reaching out to close the distance between them by placing one hand on his waist, feeling his best friend relax under his touch. “Yeah. We’re more than okay. But we’re going to talk about it for once. Because...I can’t, _won’t_ mess this up. I can’t risk it. Not with you.”

The grin that took over Buck’s face was like the sun, and suddenly, Eddie could breathe a little lighter. 

“Fine with me. You were coming home with me anyway, weren’t you?” he said, pulling Eddie closer. “I just want you to know, though...I can’t risk it either. If I lost you or Christopher, I…”

“You won’t,” he interrupted firmly. “No matter what.”

“Well...ready to get out of here then? Call an Uber?”

Eddie agreed, letting go of Buck to wipe his face with paper towels before turning to follow him. Buck flipped the lock and stepped out.

The two of them came to a screeching halt at the sight of Nathan and Ryder parked right outside, shit-eating grins plastered on their faces.

“This wasn’t how we thought we’d meet you,” Nathan laughed, extending a hand his way. “Nathan Parker.”

“Eddie Diaz.” There was probably a huge blush on his face for how this entire situation looked, but he wrangled with it to stay calm and cool.

“Ryder Vaughn.” The other man, despite his light demeanour, was definitely sizing him up. Eddie recognized a challenge when he saw it, so he stood a little straighter, returning his tight grip with one of his own, previous embarrassment vanishing.

Buck groaned, fixing both of them with a glare. “Are you two done?”

“Soldier?” Ryder ignored him, quirking an eyebrow in his direction.

“Ex-army,” Eddie answered, dropping his hand. Unconsciously, he’d shifted slightly in front of Buck, and he could see the two men clock that movement.

Clearly, he'd done something to earn their approval, because the lead singer backed down.

“Take care of Buck,” Nathan said simply, throwing a wink in their direction before dragging Ryder away, but not before tossing over his shoulder, “actually, come join us at the bar before you take off!”

“Are you sure he’s taken?” Eddie asked Buck, who was looking at him with disbelief. Backtracking, he winced at the possessive behaviour he really had no business showing. “Sorry, too much?”

Buck laughed, curling fingers reassuringly around his own for a second. “Just right. Ryder’s just protective, always has been. Let’s quickly meet their partners so we can bounce.”

It turned out that even their wives had heard a _lot_ about one Evan Buckley. Eddie grinned at Buck who was so obviously trying to dump the attention onto him instead, to no avail. 

When one of the ladies turned to him, introducing herself as Lily Hart, Eddie finally stopped laughing at his best friend to focus on her. Raven’s wife was a cheery woman from Philadelphia, working on getting her Master’s. She and Eddie chatted away about everything Lily could think to bring up.

Surprisingly enough, he didn’t mind it. It was easy to talk to Buck’s old band members, and Eddie could see why Buck would’ve felt inclined to share a room with them. The dynamic between them was practically tangible.

No matter how nice it was to talk to them, they were still impatient to get home so _they_ could finally talk _._ Slowly, as the clock inched forward, Buck pressed a little more into his side and Eddie’s body shifted to the point where he almost had his whole arm around his best friend. 

It was Ryder’s wife - Maia, Eddie remembered - who took notice of their restlessness to get out of there and huffed at them.

“You two should go before you crawl into each other’s skin.”

Another round of laughter sounded across the makeshift circle they’d formed, but Buck and Eddie seized the opportunity to say their goodbyes, exchanging numbers to stay in touch.

They made their way back to their original table, stopping long enough to let them know that they were heading out. Eddie studiously ignored the titters behind them, Buck blushing furiously next to him at Maddie’s “be safe!”

"Children. All of them," he muttered under his breath.

The cool air felt heavenly on his flushed skin, clearing some of the fog from his mind so he could start formulating exactly what he wanted to say to Buck. It felt strange to have to create a script just to talk to his best friend, as if said best friend didn’t know him better than anyone else anyway.

“Do you think...if I hadn’t gotten on that stage tonight, would we be here right now?” Buck asked quietly as they sped through the LA streets. They were both seated in the back, each jostle of the car shifting them an inch closer to one another.

“Yes,” Eddie answered immediately. “Well, maybe not right now-right now, but eventually, yeah.”

Seemingly satisfied with that answer, Buck leaned back against his seat, faint grin slipping in and out of the city lights. After a minute, Eddie slid his hand to the scant space between them, palm up.

The feel of Buck’s fingers tangling with his soothed yet another rough edge, and told Eddie that they would be alright. This was a risk that was one-hundred percent worth taking.

They spent the rest of the drive in complete silence, broken only by the low chatter of the radio. 

“Thanks for the ride,” Eddie said to the driver as they stopped in front of Buck’s apartment building.

“No problem, y’all have a nice night.” The man tipped an imaginary hat forward, speeding off to pick up his next passenger.

The ride up to the fourth floor was silent, full of pensive thought. Now that they were stepping closer and closer to Buck’s apartment, the reality of their situation pressed between them - the sheer magnitude of what it meant to be taking this step. More than once, the two men exchanged awkward looks and tight smiles, only for their gazes to dart away just as quickly. 

“Water?” Buck asked as he held the door open for Eddie.

“Uh, yeah. That’d be great.” Eddie squashed his urge to just kiss Buck quiet, not really wanting words to come between the energy that hummed between them.

But it was only fair. Hell, Buck had sang a whole song in front of an entire bar, with clear-cut words that couldn’t really be mistaken for what they were. Eddie could stand simply talking to his best friend; he just didn’t know where to start.

“So...you sing often?” The words came on mangled, sounding more like a poorly-said pick up line. Eddie winced as he heard his own voice, but relented to the sound of Buck’s spluttering laughter around his water bottle. 

“Okay, this doesn’t need to be _this_ awkward. It’s just you and I, for fuck’s sake,” Eddie huffed out and walked over to the couch, plopping down and gesturing Buck to join him. The words were more for him than for Buck, but he could see the other man’s shoulders relax anyway. The younger man complied with an amused look on his face, taking the next seat and folding his legs under him.

“No, never. At least, not in public,” Buck sighed, answering his earlier question. “It was a hobby, something I was good at. Obviously, it’s an art form, and that wasn’t what my parents wanted us doing with our lives. Especially because Maddie went to nursing school, so they expected something similar out of me.

“I just wanted something different, you know? I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, but it wasn’t being a doctor, or a lawyer, or a businessman. So I took off for the summers. I went to Detroit because I threw a dart on a map.”

“Seriously? That’s how you decided?” Eddie’s eyebrows shot straight up. 

“Yup. A map of North America, toss a dart, see if that place suits the whole ‘self-journey’ thing. And it did. I liked singing well enough, but the idea of fame and stardom didn’t really appeal to me. Raven, Ryder and Nathan helped me see that there was worth in not settling for the current best thing, even if the going gets tough. You know...shooting for the best and all.”

“So...what do you think about settling for this, then?” He motioned between them, holding his breath. Buck stared at him for a minute before shifting closer, until his knee was pressed into Eddie’s thigh.

“I think I made it pretty clear what I think. You haven’t really said anything. What do you want, Eddie?”

Eddie thought about it, stringing along a few words to explain whatever was going through his head. “I think...things were tough for a while with trying to get to a healthier place mentally and it had me seeing things that I probably wouldn’t have noticed otherwise. Like how much my son takes his cues from me, and how many things I’d internalized that were harming both me and him, and the people around me too. But mostly, I was surprised with just how much you’re part of our lives, and how natural it is.” 

“Because I want to be.” The words were sincere, genuine and had another sliver of tension easing from his shoulders.

“And it took me the whole night to fully come to terms with that. Because I still struggle with feeling like I’m not enough and I couldn't let myself believe that you'd want me in the same way. Then I saw you onstage, looking steadily at only me, and it sort of snapped into place. A part of me is still convinced that you’re going to realize that you could have better, but a larger part of me knows that this is…” Eddie wracked his mind for the right word. “...it. This is it. For me, at least.”

“Yeah?” Buck grinned, somehow shifting even closer. Eddie leaned forward to cup his best friend’s face, taking the plunge with his next words.

“I love you, Evan Buckley. And I think this is the next step, I _want_ this to be the next step for us. For the first time in my life, I feel like I’m doing something right, and I don’t want to let it slip past me.” 

Before he knew it, Buck had leaned in to press a short kiss to his lips, twisting his fingers in Eddie’s shirt to keep him close. “I love you, too. And I can’t have better than the best. You and Christopher mean the world to me, and I’m not willing to let you two go, either.”

The grin that took over his expression was more of relief than anything else. All the worries Eddie had been torturing himself with for the past 2 hours were pretty much futile.

Clearly, Buck didn’t think so, because he leaned back to speak, putting a little space between them. “What were you thinking so hard about all night?”

“Well…” he started, focusing his gaze on Buck’s hand wrapped around his own. “Mostly about how to word this, honestly. It’s more vulnerable than I’m used to, and it got pretty overwhelming for a second.”

“You don’t have to write yourself an internal script to talk to me, Eds.” Buck raised an eyebrow, shaking his head. “I would’ve understood, even if the words didn’t come out the way you wanted.”

“It took getting through your apartment door for me to understand that,” Eddie laughed. “What were you thinking about, while you sang?”

“Your reaction.” For the first time since they’d walked through the door, Buck looked self-conscious. Eddie squeezed his hand a little tighter, but stayed silent, wanting to give him the space. “See, I knew that the second I sang that song, it would be about you and I, and that was a little...I don’t know, scary? I had no way of knowing how you’d react, and I honestly thought about just hiding behind the song if you didn’t want the same things I did.”

“Hell no. The most attractive man in that bar sang to me tonight, and you really thought I wouldn’t want this?”

Buck flushed but shook his head mutely. 

Eddie decided they were done with words. Gripping the lapels of Buck’s denim jacket, he hauled Buck in for a searing kiss, finally kissing him the way he’d wanted to the minute he climbed onstage.

This kiss wasn’t short and sweet; this one consumed every part of them as their mouths worked frantically. It was like coming home and fueling the inferno that'd been burning between them for the past three years, all at once.

Eddie leveraged himself on his knees to slowly push Buck back into the couch, keeping them connected the whole while. Moving one hand to his hip, Eddie hitched Buck’s leg up to form a cradle for his body. The first press of their bodies, joined from head to toe, pulled a low groan from Buck who tightened his grip on Eddie’s waist, moving one hand up to tangle his fingers in his hair. The other ghosted along Eddie's side, rough calluses scraping his skin even through the fabric.

He hadn't made out like this since he was a teenager, and the thrill of doing it all again with Buck was dizzying.

When they finally parted for breath, Buck tugged the back of his neck to fit his face in the cradle of Eddie’s shoulder, lips peppering butterfly kisses on the sensitive skin. He felt like he was going to vibrate straight out of his skin with the knowledge that he could have _this_ forever.

“So, I hear that you’ll say yes to whatever question was hidden in the song,” Buck began, rolling his hips teasingly under him. Eddie could feel the words more than he could hear them, but managed to stutter out a reply.

“It was pretty obvious, wasn’t it?”

“Maybe so,” Buck allowed, grinning against his skin. “But I’d still like the opportunity to ask you out properly.”

Who was he to argue with that?

Eddie scrambled off of him, sitting back on his heels. Buck laughed at his eagerness, and he felt that last barrier fall away, leaving him unnervingly exposed to the younger man.

“Eddie Diaz, will you be my boyfriend?” Buck asked gallantly, dramatically raising an expectant brow. He chuckled at the formality, but conceded when he noticed Buck getting increasingly fidgety.

Dragging him back in for another kiss, Eddie whispered the answer in his ear.

“Yes.”

**Author's Note:**

> See? Told you it was self indulgent xD Also...communication!
> 
> Kudos and Comments make my day, so thank you to everyone who leaves them! I love hearing what you guys think, and anyone who takes time out of their day to comment has my heart and soul <3
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr at [zeethebooknerd](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/zeethebooknerd) or on Twitter at [tkreyesevandiaz](https://twitter.com/tkreyesevandiaz).


End file.
